:: merrily, merrily... life is but a dream ::

this is basicly just an emo ''blog'' about me and whats going on in my life and what not. if you're into that check it out, if not i'm down with it. hey whatever turns you on.
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:: Sunday, March 10, 2002 ::

okay if i have learned one thing from this whole experience is it that i am insecure as hell! i never really looked at it that way, but i realized that i jump to conclusions way too fast. and i am going to change that... why now? you ask. well i will answer... Greg means everything to me and i love having him in my life... i don't want to lose that. i don't care if we are just friends for the rest of forever, as long as he's still there. he's so cool and maybe now just wasn't the right time for us. but just its not the right time now, doesn't mean there won't ever be a right time.i mean who really knows right? Everything happens for a reason. but i can't spend the rest of my life bitching and complaining about my relationships because that's not going to get him back. i need to take a deep breath and fix me. i can start by being his friend... and if i end with being his friend then thats good too. love is too powerful a thing to waste it on being depressed.
:: audrey 3:09 PM [+] ::
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:: Saturday, March 09, 2002 ::
today wasn't that great... because i got dumped. i hate that word- dumped. it's so pathetic. and its all my fault too which makes it worse. if i wasn't such a fucking moron maybe it would have worked out, but no im unsure about EVERYTHING. if i could give you advice its... "if you fall in love, don't pick yourself back up to worry about the reprecussions" because thats what i did. well.... it was fun while it lasted...
:: audrey 1:24 AM [+] ::
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:: Saturday, March 02, 2002 ::
bush is tonight!
:: audrey 12:54 PM [+] ::
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:: Friday, March 01, 2002 ::
so let's see here today what happened? well i got a detention because i ACCIDENTALLY flung a rubberband at my teacher and it hit her in the face. emphysis on ACCIDENTALLY! i didnt do it on purpose! but whatever i hope my teacher dies, shes such a fucking whore... on a lighter note. NEVERMIND! DIE ENGLISH GOOD GOD! AND SO THEN! SATAn tells jimmy that if he wants to move back up into accelerated she would recommend him!!!!!!! HE'S GETTING A D IN REMEDIAL! AND HE GOT A D IN ACCELERATED~! GOOD FUCKING GOD! why can't i get waved back up?!!? FUCKING WHORE! just because i'm smarter than her doesnt mean she should deprive me of an education i deserve! this sucks its so stupid! sometimes i just want to slap people for being retarded i mean seriously if the fucks paid any attention whatsoever at what these teachers are saying they would understand it! i mean exponents everyone! its not a big thing! i mean i know its my second year, but last year shouldnt even be considered algebra! it was not algebra! but this is! and its STILL EASY! oH NOW IM CHANGING THE SUBJECT. last night my mom walks into my room and looks at my mirror, ok well my mirror has dry erase marker writing all over it just from people who have been here lately or whatever, so chris was here last weekend and he took it upon himself to write "i saw chris's penis" AMONG OTHER THINGS on my mirror, so my mom is looking at this and i had somewhat erased the worse part and she's like audrey if your dad saw that he would be really mad and so im like yeah it wasnt me! chris wrote it! and she gave me this look. and im sure none of you have gotten the look but i get the look, its that look like "i know you're a slut, but you're also my daughter so i'm embarassed to admit it" but im not a slut! ugh lol. really im not though~! and just like today when satan said i was like most immature freshman shes ever met. i mean come on now most immature freshman ever? now i have been told by many people that i am far from that. but hey maybe they are all wrong and satan is right. so now not only am i unclassy but im unclassy and immature! now if you know me, which you probably do, you know i am not immature. at least not really, i mean we all have our moments and so what if mine are more frequent that doesnt matter alright??!!? im gifted! there are explanations for why i am such A FREAK, and sometimes so STUPID but just because im a moron doesnt mean im immature i mean there are a lot of people in my english class who, if they werent so petrified about what the world thinks of them, would be just as loud and obnoxious as me! but they are scared of the world so they are quiet... but i really don't care because if i've learned one thing this year its they are either going to love me or hate me, there is no common ground
:: audrey 4:31 PM [+] ::
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:: Friday, February 22, 2002 ::
tonight? oh it was fun. very very fun. haha wow yeah a lot of fun. I LOVE GREG, quote of the day: Just one moment of joy, can change a whole life time of sorrow.
:: audrey 11:05 PM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, February 19, 2002 ::
okay so today seemed to be going alright, nothing worth remembering but nothing worth complaining about. i had soccer conditioning after school which was in itself tiring and then i had drivers ed. of course when i got home from this i had no idea what had happened to greg that day.. actually i didn't even know about most of it until i read his stupid thing like this. but me, being the moron i am decided to bother him to no end about stupid shit because thats how i am. a fuck up would be the simplest way to describe it. i can't do anything write! inside of schoool, outside of school, heaven, hell, you name it and i could fuck it up. maybe if i was just a little more attentive and a little bit smarter i would be able to keep up in my relationships and in school but i'm not, and therefore i just mess everything up. and its not fair because i just want greg to be happy but i fuck it up, i ruin the happiness... AUDREY AUDREY YOU'RE SO STUPID! i wish this accutually bennifiteded me. i mean sure venting is great but i have a therapist for that. WOW IM MESSED UP. f-word make it stop. happiness was too much to ask for today. here's a quote: i love you greg. i'm sorry im so dumb
:: audrey 8:35 PM [+] ::
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:: Monday, February 18, 2002 ::
alright so there was no school today, thats always fun, but not when Wet Pets and Friends doesn't have the fish Ali wanted! i mean jeez! it was such a bummer. and not only that but tonight Robyn and I had to work on our stupid spanish presentation until 10:30!! its insane really i mean come on. and now i still have history. but let's take a look at the brighter side of life shall we? okay today was good because i got to hang out with Ali (which isn't a very normal thing, long story) today was also good because i got to catch up on some quality reading with my new book jessica got me- Movie therapy, a movie for every mood. its pretty aweosme if you think about it. and also i love Greg, he's the coolest thing since sliced bread and i'm happy. i could get used to this being happy deal. i hope he feels the same way... hope hope hope hope hope... Quote of the Day: "It wasnt a big deal to say 'i love you', i mean it's just three simple words, but to feel 'i love you' and try and explain it, that's when i realized that 'i love you' is a feeling,
not three words and deffinitely not simple."
:: audrey 9:03 PM [+] ::
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